Thursday, July 21, 2005

Time to face the music?

Of all the people I know, I am the least likely to write about this topic, but I want a reality check. Since most of my (few!) readers are Indian, they are quite possibly in a good position to comment. And the topic is Recent Indian (especially Hindi) Film Music.
Is it just me, or has the quality of musical output in fillums improved tremendously these past few years? Or do I just have more patience to listen to more of it and the opportunity to experiment? But from the long dreary dry spell of the '90s (save the occasional DTPH or 1942 type relief), these last 5-6 years with the Veer Zaaras, Bunty aur Bubblys, Lagaans, DCHs etc. are bubbling over with innovativeness, energy, and..gasp...that elusive concept..MELODY!
It's not all remixes and jhankaar beats (which are a wonderful trend too, imho!), it's somehow the revival of classic elements in music. The qawwali has been back for a while, the slow haunting melodies with basic instruments (think Parineeta), the infusion of classical aspects into mainstream music (think Raincoat, Kisna, and in Tamil music, Ivann, Parthiban Kanavu) the readiness to experiment with singers and music directors is evident and has sprung on us the genius of Ismail Darbar, Shreya Ghosal, Shantanu Moitra, etc. instead of same old Kumar Sanu and Alka I just waking up too late, or do you feel this distinct but welcome change? Or is it all a biased view and will I feel a few years later that that music is fresh and beautiful, and man, what were they thinking in 2005 when they made that sucky music?!

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Can't stand this longing!!

Today, of all days, I can't stand that we aren't together. I can NOT take the thought of another pair of hands on your back, another pair of eyes devouring you, someone else's day complete because of you. How can I sit here and think of anything else but you? Call me obsessed, but I NEED you. Why are circumstances so cruel, my will so weak, your thought so overpowering that I cannot focus on anything else? Aww..come on..the last five years could not have been a mistake. From the moment I first set eyes on you, I knew our relationship was meant to be forever. How can you be so distant then today from me?
Today, the day the next important chapter of your life is revealed to everyone the world over, Harry Potter, I wonder when you'll be mine!!
Ha! And you thought it was another lovey-dovey piece? Tricked ya, sorry! :)

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Love...or so I thought...

I thought I loved you, until I realized that I only thought of you when you were in the same room as me.
I thought I loved you, until I realized I only loved the way you looked at me when I wasn't looking.
I thought I loved you, until I realized that I loved your voice and your energy. And your hair. And your eyes behind your glasses. And your Adam's apple.
I thought I loved you and that we were meant to be until I realized that we were meant to be...apart.
I thought I loved you, until I realized that I loved that we loved the same things.
I thought I loved you, until I realized that all you did was hurt me. Over and over again.
I thought I loved you, until I realized that I hated having to impress you all the time.
I thought I loved you, until I realized that I never felt the need to impress you at any time.
I thought I loved you, until I realized I loved being loved by you.
I thought I loved you and could never get over you, until I realized how quickly you got over me. And then I couldn't get over you fast enough.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Of the color purple and crying with an agenda

I don't know why I thought of these two women today, but I must say, at the time I read them (5-8 years ago), I was in raptures over their thoughts and their writings. I suppose they stand for women's lib and stuff, but to me, in a very personal way, they helped me liberate myself.
The first one is Gloria Steinem, and an essay called "Doing Sixty"..all about growing old in style.

Women on campus
Wear “masculine” thoughts
And look to daddy for Good grades.
Married women
Give their bodies away
And wear their husbands’ Wishes.
Religious women
Cover sinful bodies
And ask redemption from god
Not knowing She is within them.
Dear Goddess: I pray for the courage
To walk naked
At any age.
To wear red and purple,
To be Unladylike, Inappropriate, Scandalous and Incorrect
To the very end.
Here's the second inspiration: Iyanla Vanzant (what a brilliant name!) and her poem, "Yesterday I cried". The poem takes on so much more meaning when you read her book, and the life that wrought this pain. It's depressing as all hell, so I don't recommend it!

Yesterday I Cried
I came home, went straight to my room, sat on the edge of my bed,kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra,and I had myself a good cry.
I'm telling you,I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale.
I cried until my ears were hot.
I cried until my head was hurting so badthat I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet.
I want you to understand,I had myself a really good cry yesterday.
Yesterday, I cried,for all the days that I was too busy, or too tired, or too mad to cry.
I cried for all the days, and all the ways,and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected, and disconnected my Self from myself,only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others did to methe same things I had already done to myself.
I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen;for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up;for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them away, to people in circumstances,which left me feeling empty, and battered and plain old used.
I cried because there really does come a time when the only thing left for you to do is cry.
Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because little boys get left by their daddies;and little girls get forgotten by their mommies;and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave;and mommies get left, so they get mad.
I cried because I had a little boy, and because I was a little girl,and because I was a mommy who didn't know what to do,and because I wanted my daddy to be there for me so badly until I ached.
Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because I hurt. I cried because hurt has no place to go except deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place,and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.
I cried because it was too late. I cried because it was time.
I cried because my soul knew that I didn't knowthat my soul knew everything I needed to know.
I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good.
It felt so very, very bad.
In the midst of my crying, I felt my freedom coming,
Because Yesterday, I cried with an agenda.

Monday, July 04, 2005


Hey..if Destiny's Child can come up with Bootylicious, I can come up with Wordilicious!
So, Aparna tagged me, and in doing so, made me slightly crazy trying to think of cool words I like. I gave up after a few tries, and while these aren't my favorite ones, here are some words I like. Also, since I am too lazy to look up the dictionary, I will give my own definition/description of it..feel free to add/correct/criticize etc.

"fabulous" - Currently my favorite word in use daily..How are you? Fabulous! How is that sandwich? Fabulous! How's your dissertation coming along? Not so fabulously :(
"vendetta" - What a colorful brings to mind Sicilian family feuds, the 'Hang 'em high' tune from "The good, the bad, the ugly", "Kyunki saas bhi.."type soap operas, everything!
"ridiculous" - Very expressive. Being kind of an extreme person prone to exagerating, I find this word ridicuculously useful. (Especially to fight the stray boggart, eh, Harry Potter fans?!Ridikkulus!)
"zany" - Someone used it to describe me once, and she meant crazy and smart and a little nuts.
"carpe diem" - Very motivating little Latin phrase meaning "Seize the day". Useful for people like me, and made famous by Robin Williams in the ridiculously fabulous movie "Dead Poet's Society" (Honorable mention from same movie:"Yawp" as in a line from a Walt Whitman poem "I sound my barbaric YAWP over the roofs of the world")
"fiery" - Of fire. And of people that are (often unexpectedly) passionate or impassioned about something.
"nonchalant" - Anything but fiery. Something like blase, uncaring. I especially like this word because of the Frenchy "sh" sound.."Non-shuh-llaaaaant"!
"iota" - it means a little teensy weensy bit. Also a Greek letter I believe. Also the name of my dream entrepreneurial venture.
"cosmic" - Of the cosmos. At once binding us all, and flinging us each into oblivion.

There are several words in other languages, especially Urdu (the little that I do know!), that I just like for the way they sound, but none come to mind right now.
In any case, I think coming up with nine words is an iota short of being fabulously zany considering my nonchalant mood currently. But hey, when I got tagged, rather than invite a fiery vendetta of cosmic proportions, I decided to carpe the diem, and here we are! YAWP!