Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Early morning reflections...

It is 4:30 a.m. I'm sitting here with three tabs open in my IE7 (thanks to Parth, I caved in and downloaded it!).
One has the website to book visa appointments in Canada open, and I sit groggily refreshing the page, hoping that magically the stars will align and the correct number of appointments appear in the correct place on the correct dates. "Correct" of course, defined as "fits into the plans I had made for the Universe without consulting Reality".
The second has my inbox open, with a message from one of my best friends, who writes to tell me that her stars have magically aligned and she is going to be able to make a quick trip home to see another of our best friends get married. I see it now. R is at the reception dias, looking lovely and charming and skinny as ever, and M and A sit down at a table after 2 hours of dancing, A pretending to be drunk on half a glass of wine, M pretending to be sober after 4 glasses of rum-and-coke. They both wish I was there, and start talking about 'old times' and as if they had a voodoo doll of me there to transmit those vibes, I can feel everything. The smell of a cool polluted Bandra night, the too-bright dresses of some of the ladies, the sound of teenagers flirting as they only allow themselves to at weddings when they are allowed to be good-looking and to dance with each other.
Well, I'll drink to that, then. My memories of looking good and dancing at A's wedding, my memories of seemingly endless arguments that somehow ended up with us laughing hysterically about something inconsequential, my memories of helping M make coffee-walnut-rum-icecream that was more rum than icecream, my memories of planning a treasure hunt for A's first anniversary, the 'spinster party', the inexhaustable energy we had for planning creative gifts for each other, the creativity born equally out of necessity (we were poor students) and time (we were poor students) and some kind of wonderful bond we had that I haven't been able to find since then.
I'll drink to that then, and hope that one day, maybe when the stars are aligned, we will replicate that magic - giggles and all.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

O Me! O Life!

On fields o'er which the reaper's hand has pass'd
Lit by the harvest moon and autumn sun,
My thoughts like stubble floating in the wind
And of such fineness as October airs,
There after harvest could I glean my life
A richer harvest reaping without toil,
And weaving gorgeous fancies at my will
In subtler webs than finest summer haze.

- Henry David Thoreau

The magic formula of "solitude + beautiful fall day + walk = complete rejuvenation" was tested yesterday, and found to hold true. Never underestimate the power of a beautiful day to give you perspective. It's not about feeling small in front of the grandeur of nature or anything - it's about feeling part of it. Feeling proud of the fact that you exist, a part of this mystery, able to appreciate the insanely pretty lights in the trees, the loud crack of twigs, the silence that carries a dog's sneeze, the resizing of your problems in the grand scheme of things.

Fall is fast becoming my favorite time of year. This year, surprisingly, we went almost two months without rains. Clear skies, stunning colors, crisp refreshing weather, and the promise of work and love and music to keep me hopeful.

Today it has been raining since the time I woke up. Farewell o fair weather, o life-giving beauty. May I never forget.

O Me! O Life!
O Me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined;
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

That you are here—that life exists, and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

- Walt Whitman

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Weekend News...in Haiku

Mesmerising scent
Deep dark hue
One black coffee please!
A cheesy movie
A good one
Weekend's up!
Now ev'ry evening
The fall sun
Leaves me earlier
Death Cab For Cutie,
Don and Dor.
Love? Fresh Air? Music!
Young jackfruit in cans,
Coconut, cumin...
..Amma's memories
Music, missed beats, moans,
Sticks, skirts, screams...
It's just dandiya!
Tangled wires, blank screens,
Drooping shelves...
Cut fingers, proud heart.