Sunday, May 15, 2005

Somewhere Between Nowhere and Goodbye

The title of today's post is a line from one of the best movies I've seen recently - Million Dollar Baby. Saw it today, at long last - was quite a display of talent, exploration of issues of life, death, values, the usual ingredients of a good movie in my books. Plus, it made me cry, which makes it a darn good movie in my books :)
Another fantastic movie I caught finally, was the Motorcycle reminded me of all that we don't accomplish while we live our lives 'accomplishing things' and earning degrees and money, while the real contributions are left unmade. The process by which "Che" Guevara discovers this is what the movie is all about, a road trip with a buddy across Latin America, on a rickety old motorcycle (The Mighty One!) and what they find out about themselves and the people and what they can do for them, along the way. It reminded me of the meaning of words like 'idealism' and 'dreams' and 'integrity' and 'perseverance'..Watch it if you can.
The title of the post also reflects a little bit of how I feel right now. In an immediate sense, I am a few days from a Goodbye Akron, Hello Mumbai for my brother's wedding. In a larger sense, I am between nowhere and goodbye in my life. Soon after I return from India, I leave for an internship in Portland, Oregon. At least 5-6 months, with the possibility of extension. My advisor actually thinks that if all goes well, this could mean goodbye Akron for real! I wish I could say that with more certainty, but at the same time, there have been so many memories made here (even though I grumble about Akron being "nowhere"!) that it would feel strange for this chapter of my life to be over. Like Gael Garcia Bernal (to die for!!) reflects, as Guevara, in the Motorcycle Diaries, "Each moment seems split in two; melancholy for what was left behind and the excitement of entering a new land"
To these moments then, that we spend between nowhere and goodbye, split between melancholy and excitement, the ones that define our choices and our future...

Sunday, May 08, 2005

For all these reasons and more...

You knew what I needed without my even saying a word,
You felt that you could talk to me like a friend,
You called me when I needed you so much,
You shared your insecurities with me,
You showed me how to wear a sari,
You knew exactly what I meant,
You went to PTA meetings,
You bragged about me,
You worried about me,

You cried with me,

You cried for me,
You tried for me,
You questioned me,
You didn't question me,
You didn't care that I hurt you,
You woke up when I cried at night,
You were proud when I rode a bicycle,
You left your job and your passions for me,
You cut out pictures of apples for my art project,
You kissed my hurt away from my knees and my heart.

THANKS AMMA! Happy Mother's Day!

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Changes...for better or for worse?

This is quite a girly introspection, so consider yourself warned! I'm in a weird mood today, so sorry!
I was listening to a song earlier today which goes "And I miss you, like the deserts miss the rain" and I started thinking, how exactly do deserts miss the rain? Does the song mean "I miss you though I never had you" or "I miss you because you are such a rare occurrence" or "I miss you even though I have developed adaptations to function without you"?! You know, those lyrics are quite bad, if you think about it, and yet, I remember dedicating this song on a radio program to a boy I had a crush on, when he left the country. About a million years ago. And that made me think, what else about me has changed, other than becoming a critical cynic and scoffer of songs I once loved?
I remember watching a movie starring Tom Selleck more than 10 years ago with my uncle who asked me if I thought Tom Selleck was good-looking. I said, "Yuk no! He's old and has a mustache!" And yet, today I think he is so sexy! And today I can't believe I once thought Leonardo Di Caprio and Nick Carter (Backstreet Boys) were I can't help thinking how effeminate they look.
What if these changing preferences aren't restricted to looks (which we all know are going to fade one day)? One of my good friends thinks that I am changing with respect to my ideas about guys and relationships, so now I am slightly concerned. He thinks that of late, I've shown a propensity towards cute boys who make me feel good (or who just feel good!) I always thought I want geeky smart guys who'd make me laugh and make me think.
And then I wonder...what if I meet someone now and say, marry him for a certain set of reasons..what if I tire of those reasons and change later? What then?!